no more rainny days

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:36:16 GMT

I saw this quote somewhere today: (it was in chinese...so i try to translate it)

"ex-lovers are like umbrellas.
when it's sunny and nice out, you'll put them aside and won't give too much care;
when it's raining and dark outside, they will become something necessary, u 'll need them desperately
why?..to get a shelter in those rainny days...

hmm...do i just need an umbrella...so i can get a temporary feeling of protection and security...?
now, i wonder if it's my real intention to still talking to Mr. K....and still desperately wanting his care ....is it just becoz of the recent heartbreaking break-up with Mr. C?

i dun know how to describe how i feel recently...i feel lonely and lost...it's like i am wondering and wondering on a place where nothing grows, no one lives...i am tired but can t stop moving forward as if i would be engulfed and enveloped by the darkness if i stop for just one second.......i continue walking...consciously and unconsiously....every single step reminds me of the fact that..i am totally alone...the fact that..there will be on one ahead of me waiting and expecting my coming...by then..i am frightened...

and then i stand back and think..do i want an company...?..do i need one?..what would it be like if there's someone beside me and walk with me...and then..somehow i feel disgusted...i feel my freedom would be exploited...this absolute treasure u can not share with anyone..i enjoy this solitude when no one can disturb me...

but then...sadness and mysery drown me and envelop me agian...that is just a cycle...an endless one

i am desperately afraid of loneliness..but i dun want anyone...maybe do i just want him?

recently..there're some guys trying to ask me out....some of my old frds start to sound like they want to be the cure...i did say yes to one or two..to hang out....but then , I just cant stand them for even one second.....for some reasons..something just didnt feel right...i did somehow wish maybe he would be the cure to my wounds
but..no one...no one can really mend this broken thing..even myself...

i know..i know...it's like a thousand ppl have been trying to tell me...the ultimate medicine , the cure..is the time...right?
time can heal anything...i know, i know i know

it has slowly healed the old wound bloodied when my dad left us 8 years ago without a sigh...

but in the mean time...i still have the right to be sad...to complain...to cry a little bit right?...

i know..one day...i wont miss Mr. C anymore....his face, his voice, his body temperature when he hugs me..the sweetness when he kisss me...all those little things would not pop up suddenly in front of my eyes when there's a single spare moment.....no..i dun have to pretend nothing has happen when he talks to me..when i smile ..that would be my real smile of happiness .....i know...the time would come...soon...

just ....give me some time

i wish..the tears from everynight...would somehow...take away this sorrow...slowly and softly....
and i would wake up with a dry pillow on the next morning....and welcome the new day with a big cheerful smile

Monday, July 21, 2008

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:33:31 GMT

so i am a newbie in this datingish and i wish i am new to the dating things which means i wish i would still maintain some hope towards relationships after all....anyways thanks for stopping by and feel free to drop a comment or simple a "hi"

Spring's Datingish

no more rainny days

Monday, July 21, 2008